Enjoy:
To beckon means “ to encourage someone to come nearer or follow”. As a self proclaimed “level jumper” (ok, someone called me that once out of spite and I’m going to own it) and needy soul, this word resonates deeply with how I view friendship. If there’s a socially acceptable way to become friends with someone, I didn't get the memo; I’m either in or out. When I have had friendships disintegrate, you can find me in an emotional puddle on the proverbial floor of life for months (if not years).
I have loaned out my hippie van to people I hardly knew because their Instagram photos and clever commentary made them seem like kindred spirits. It’s a gamble, right? Because some people do end up being the worst and also because who has an abundance of extra time and energy laying around? No one I know. I have spent tons of my minutes trying to figure out how to be a good friend and how to attract people who don’t keep account of all the ways I’m not awesome. I have so much to say about friendship but I’ll start with 3 key truths I’ve learned along the way:
Generosity
Rule of Thumb: Don’t remember who “owes” who what. We are either generous or we’re not.
Example: If I buy someone a coffee, I don’t carry that with me until they return the favor. I refuse to pour energy into keeping track and frankly, what a waste of time. If someone is always taking, they aren’t your friend and if someone is always giving, it’s your turn.
Rule of Thumb: Try try with all your might to remember things about your people.
Example: My previous boss/bestie's favorite drink is the largest sized iced coffee with a pump of vanilla and a splash of cream. I liked bringing that to him because it lit up his whole face. I also love his kids and text with his wife about all the things. It's hard to keep track of everyone and everything. My mom brain feels like it’s been through the garbage disposal. I get it. Heck, I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs…but I’m going to try to be the person that fights to remember what’s important to you.
Understanding
Rule of Thumb: Err on the side of trusting people are good.
Example: Sometimes I text people and they don’t respond for weeks and the middle school girl that lives inside us all starts to crack me (say crack again). And when they inevitably text back with vulnerability about how busy life has been and how they miss me, I feel ridiculous. I mean honestly, why be someone’s friend if a lingering text has you questioning your worth? Say it with me, “__________ hasn’t gotten back to me yet because of their own stuff and when they do it’s going to be great.” More importantly, if you have been a b hole and people aren’t getting back to you, own up to it and say sorry so you can both move on. Everyone takes turns being b holes (put that on a shirt…we could make millions!) If you take nothing but that quote away from this post, I think we've all won. But seriously, we’re humans and we’re going to take turns making mistakes and hurting each other. I hurt my favorite person on a weekly (if not daily basis)…and he still chooses to love me and trust that I love him.
Bonus Advice: People who are the worst have nothing on the people who, as Rachel says, “Carry you in their hearts”. I don’t feel far away from those people even though I’ve moved far away and I hope they can feel my love from this distance too, no matter how long it takes me to text back.
Sincerely,
Your Level Jumper, Caffeine Addict, and Occasional B Hole
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