The Hamster Wheel

Two ways we cripple ourselves from being amazing are by comparison and being at war with our own souls; I find myself doing both but mostly the later.  I will spin out of control asking if I’m good enough, smart enough, healthy enough, Christian enough, fun enough, selfless enough, self aware enough, etc etc etc until I am like a possum playing dead in my own inner turmoil.  I’ll slug myself up out of that pit and be ok for awhile, sometimes a long while, and than it will boil up again.  I guess you could argue that it’s because of comparison, we end up doubting all those things about ourselves but when I think of someone who’s actually stuck in comparison, I think of a person who’s always asking themselves questions based off of other people’s strengths and end up not feeling confident about any area of their own lives.  Satan uses both to create such a "me focused" society that we can’t make it out the door without thinking about how EVERYTHING EFFECTS US (yes, I had to look up affect vs effect and I’m still not sure I did it right).

What I really want, what I dream for all of us, is to be so confident in the way CHRIST HAS CREATED US that we don’t have time to simmer in our weaknesses long enough to care about who’s doing what better.  Does that make sense?  I know social media has us all a tither over who’s house looks cleaner and more Pinterested, who’s kid is most loved, who’s job brings in the most money, who’s fitness game is on point, who’s marriage makes Nicholas Spark’s stories look like yesterday’s leftover lettuce, who’s constantly having fun (while I sit here eating yesterday’s leftovers and my 6 year old tells me his life is the worst - EYE ROLL).  This life is not easy but it has never been easy.

I refuse to live in the mindset that we are worse off than we’ve ever been.  Eve was talked to in the Garden of Eden by SATAN IN THE FORM OF A SNAKE…I would have thought that was the end of us all right then and there; yet here we are…trying to create safe, cozy spaces for our families, loving our kids so much we forget to take care of ourselves, working working working, trying so hard to make our love lives a priority in the chaos of responsibility, balancing health (I just drank Kombucha to help my tummy and also ate 20 sour patch kids #oops.).  I know we are going to compare, we are going to doubt ourselves, we are going to feel less than but my heart’s cry is that we try to use those things to make us better and more other's focused.  People can be so good.  I haven’t gone a week since I moved without a care package from someone that loves me; just today I opened up a letter and friendship bracelet from Angela.  Yesterday, Rachel sent me a Valentine’s care package.

 

You know what?  What I’m really trying to say is:  Be Rachel.  Rachel brought donuts to the hospital after she had to say goodbye to our beloved Daniel.  She had to deliver her sweet baby boy right into the arms of Jesus and had the strength and beauty to go back to that place, where she lived a nightmare, and bring donuts and coffee to the nurses who carried her through that.  If you’re going to compare yourself to someone, compare yourselves to people who are better at loving than you are.  Rachel, and so many souls like her, have made me a better version of myself because they show the love of Jesus right now.  We don’t have to be perfect, under perfect circumstances, with perfect body’s and budgets to do good.  Just do it; hear a prompting from Jesus and tell someone why you think they’re wonderful.  Write a letter to a friend you miss.  Watch someone's kids so they can go on a date.  Make someone a meal.  Sit down with your kids and play Sushi Go for the 108th time this week because it is his new obsession and, for the love of all things holy, it isn’t technology.

  

I was feeling brave on Monday and decided to drive an hour away, by myself, to pick up a few light fixtures I fell in love with a few weeks ago.  I had a 2 year old and a new baby and was doing it, you guys!  I ended up in a store that sold all things Wyoming and this sweet old gentleman came up to me, while I was wearing a fussy Gabe and Remy was quietly collecting all the stuffed animals in the store to "make a family”, and you know what he said?  He said, “This is how you know there’s hope for us all.  Adults are greedy and selfish but children always bring me back to hope.”  Beautiful.  Now get out off the hamster wheel of comparison and self doubt and do something that brings your heart back to hope and, if you feel like it, tell me about it so I can give you a virtual hug.

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