Beautiful Swindlers.

“This fallen world never stops dismembering who we are.  We’re all breaking a bit more every day, even in small ways.  And there, even as we ache, is the gentle whisper of God.  With the quiet urging to give thanks anyways, to do this in remembrance of Him.  But why in the world give thanks?” - Ann Voskamp
Pastor Seth spoke about the biblical twins Jacob and Esau on Sunday; about how Jacob was a swindler his whole life and how it took wrestling with a heavenly being through the night (while he was in his late 90’s) to finally change his heart.  He lived a lot of life running from his potential, choosing earthly desires, and alienating himself from true community.  
We met as a life group this week and one of the follow up questions was, “Have you wrestled with God?”  Most people said they hadn't and I think if we are asking ourselves if we have physically wrestled through the night with a heavenly being…than, no…most of us would probably say we haven’t; however, I can’t help but think that we have; that we do; that we are. 
Aren’t we constantly being “dismembered" by the world?  Aren’t we always fighting the battle of earthly want vs heavenly hope?  Don’t we have days where we feel really close to God and His word and other days where we feel like dirty swindlers?  I fight the thought pattern of thinking that mistakes make me unworthy; that if I do or don’t do something or if I’m not “perfect” than He will love me less or there’s this point where He’s going to start taking His promises back.  
I can’t help but be totally and wholly grateful for Jacob's story.  God promised him a blessing and He delivered.  He always delivers.  On my worst days; where I question myself and this world and everything about creation and; therefore, the Creator…there’s just so much hurt and disease and brokenness and ugly…I come back to how God promised me He loves me and that I can, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Mathew 7:7-11 
This means I am covered and not in a “go do whatever you want because Jesus covered your sins” way.  Honestly, that’s just cowardly.  But in a “I love you to the end of the world and back and if you seek me…you will care less and less about the crap and more about the things my perfect heart treasures” (I am pretty sure that is a direct quote from Jesus).  
Discontentment is equally frustrating and motivating for me.  I want to be discontent with the things of this world because this can’t be it…this isn’t enough for my soul, but I want to be content in Him and His perfect plan for me.  For Tara.  My mom told me this morning that He wrote my name into existence before the creation of the world.  He knew my name before He created the world.  I have purpose.  I have love to give; love that can change the world.  I have mistakes to make and learn from and so do you.  Don’t wait until you have lived most of your earthy life to find peace or to understand why you were made.  It’s so simple.  We are made to love and be thankful for Jesus.  
"Because when we remember how He blesses, loves us, when we recollect His goodness to us, we heal-we re-member.  In the remembering to give thanks, our broken places are re-membered-made whole." - Ann Voskamp