I was talking with a few friends recently about insecurity and have been thinking a lot about what one of them said, “If more people really trusted God; they would be a lot less insecure and would gossip and look for affirmation outside of Him a lot less”. Isn’t that so true? Insecurity is behind so much of what’s wrong with everything.
I have only been a stay at home mom for one week and have already had a lot of opinions thrown my way. Women are either the best or worst thing to one other but that’s another post. I have heard…“I could never do that. I’d be so bored.”, “Kids with mother’s that work end up needing counseling.”, “You deserve it.”, “What do you do all day?”, “Isn’t it the best thing ever?” I’ve heard women who have done the career thing and are now doing the stay at home mom thing say, “This is way more work!”. Can you imagine making some of these comments about someone else’s job? Especially to people who are passionately in love with their work? I don’t constantly question what those who work a 9-5 do all day. I don’t ask if they’re doing a good enough job or critique their work style or say things like, “I could never do that. I’d be so bored” or “I’d do that a lot differently if I were you”. I’ll be totally honest; I do think that sometimes but I sure don’t say it out loud!
First of all, I’d like to say sorry. Sorry from our culture to all the parents who are doing it and doing it well. Who wake up every day and think about someone else more than they think about themselves; who have fallen in love with this new adventure of parenthood and are figuring it out along the way. I’m sorry when I’ve said things out of my own insecurity or inexperience. Jeremy recently said, “People need to be careful when they criticize parenting because it’s not like anything else you do…it’s so deeply personal and important and most people are doing the best they can with what they've got”. Amen, sir.
I’ve felt so many feelings in my one week of being a stay at home mom:
impatient
needed
intentional
overwhelmed
claustrophobic
busy
joyful
thankful
a different kind of tired
judged
free
...but mostly, I feel a new kind of happy; a simple kind of happy. I feel like a professor of life; like I get to manage time in a whole new way. I am constantly teaching. Teaching this curious, talkative, busy, intent, sweet and sometimes super naughty little soul about how to be kind and share and be patient and listen and eat healthy and talk to adults and ask questions and why we don't jump in the deep end of a pool when we're 29 pounds, soaking wet and etc etc etc… It is all of those things I felt in my first week. It’s hard and beautiful and I imagine it will always be those two things.
My first plea and personal goal, as a new stay at home mommy, to the world is this: Let’s stop passing around insecurities and judgment and start pouring out affirmation for this beautiful, messy life! I really don’t care if or when you immunize your little bundles or if you remembered to put sunscreen on your child who’s joyfully cannonballing into the pool or if you showered today or if your house is a mess or if your toddler isn’t potty trained or if you work/stay at home/work part time. No, kids shouldn’t sit in front of a TV all day. No, they shouldn’t eat french fries and hamburgers every meal…but these are the obvious things. Most of us are really, really good at loving these little gifts we’ve been given and I think we should treasure that more and think about who’s doing the best job less. I bet if we did that we’d be even better at this and would feel a lot more supported and a lot less insecure.
God gave us each other. I believe he reveals himself mostly through the way we love each other and each other’s families. When my friends pick up my son and kiss him and tell him they love him; when my parents tell me they think I’m doing a good job; when my husband tells me I’m the best mom; when I’m supported to figure out how to discipline in love; when someone sees I’m tired and says they’ll take over for a bit…that’s Jesus. That’s the good stuff.
I promise to work on this movement of affirmation before judgment. I believe it’s vital to our success as parents and, even more importantly, to these little humans we’re sacrificing so much for.
momma bear, out.
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