The Chess Master

Life doesn’t begin when you receive a degree or that job, house, car, spouse, child, paycheck, *you fill in the blank*...you’ve always wanted. Your life is happening right now. As cliche as that sounds and as seemingly simple as this concept seems…it’s not. I talk with my resident assistants all the time about what’s next. College is the time to prepare yourselves for something. Whatever it is feels really big and bold and beautiful and that’s why this age of humans is my favorite, because of how they are processing the world around them and what they believe to be true. We come out of school thinking we are educated and desirable and we are going to "live the dream", but what is this dream we are all running in circles to catch? At what point does it all become unrealistic, or worse, at what point does it numb you to the wonderful now?

Stress is a serious epidemic happening in our culture. People don’t have time for each other because we’re too busy “doing us”…managing ourselves, proving ourselves, choosing ourselves, purchasing for ourselves. I’m just a little grossed out by all of it.

Jeremy and I have been through a major life transition in the last few weeks. Our Plan A was we would end up in Wyoming; Jeremy would be mentored by his dad and we would eventually be a full on ranch family. He’s always loved the west and is very loyal to his family and his dad’s life work as a Rancher. In my opinion, he's been working jobs he’s passionate about to buy time here so I could continue to do something I love (Resident Director). He's really come into his own as a man and father and, for the first time, his spirit is content since he started working at Crossfit, but we knew there would be a next chapter for us and that always felt like it would be the wild west. His family ranch is a well established development and there are generations of hard working, knowledgable men who have worked/work the land most of their lives'. I can see why Jeremy's soul would feel called there, but him and I started out with very different ideas of where our happy places were.

I have always loved Sioux Falls. It’s been really good to me and it broke my heart for the first five years of our marriage to think about leaving our community and my family: From the doctor who helped us get pregnant; to my friend Jenni (who’s done my hair since high school); to the helpful smiles of HyVee’s aisles; to the amazing school system and childcare Beck’s had; to wanting to be here to watch my friends & sister become mommies; to travel being really difficult for my mom; it has always been a lot to process...but I got there. It took prayer, tears, conversation, fasting, trust in the bigger picture, faith in Jeremy’s desires, and ultimately grasping that God is with us wherever we go. We have both been at a place of peace about what's next for the last two years.

Then the ranch voted. They voted 5-5. Jeremy's uncles and cousins are a part of the voting process and this was their response. It was split right down the middle. They decided to "table the discussion until a later date". It isn’t offensive or wrong or anything other than just what it is. The truth is; however, that no one’s ever not been voted in so we needed time to evaluate what that meant for us. A few weeks after the vote we were in Mexico and hadn't talked about our plans until we were on our way back; Jeremy’s answer to where we would be this time next year was still Wyoming. That was Sunday and by Friday he was sitting down with someone in Sioux Falls. Someone who said, “We want you”. They want his personality, his experience as a paramedic, his people skills, his passion, his ability to train people on how to lift & move. Him. I may or may not be a bit biased (I also may or may not be guilty of rolling my car window down every time I pass a fire truck to yell, “Hire Jeremy Westerman!”) but it’s because he’s the best. He’s the investor. He’s the guy who stayed after class in college to get to know his professors because he wanted to know their story and be a part of it. He’s the question asker; the fun instigator. He’s the guy with integrity; the guy who wants work to build something bigger than a paycheck. He wants everyone to succeed; he’s not just out for himself and that’s someone anyone needs on their team.

I have learned so much about power throughout this process: How little we have. The times when I thought it was in my strength to decide, to plan, to control…were the times I felt most burdened. I was talking with our school counselor before the vote and she said, “It seems the real battle has already been won because you and Jeremy are on the same page. You both have peace with whatever happens…everything else will figure itself out”. Jeremy called me today to say his sign-on bonus covers our concern about health care benefits. I was frantically trying to find a part time job that offered benefits to try and help provide. Faithful. I can’t help but be overwhelmed by what’s happening right now. When will I consistently hold tight to His promises? I am so excited to have a home…to build a sweet little world around the things I love most, but you know what? I am not going to be anxious about it and I am going to fight this human desire to plan and control and stress about what’s next. We have precious friends who really want us to move into their brand new house with them this summer; friends willing to take Gus for a few weeks; friends who have offered to store our camper van until we have a garage to store it in and the list continues. Enough, I say! Enough of this idea that we are alone. My prayer is and will continue to be that God brings us to places that are best for our family. I guess He isn’t done with us here, for now. Maybe Jeremy will love his new job and it will be his forever career path; maybe his dad will retire in the next 10 years and it will be better timing for everyone; maybe we need to stop thinking it’s all about us and refocus our energy on being present and thankful for what’s outside of us. This beautiful, authentic, raw place of not knowing and how that forces us to listen to where the spirit is leading.

Jeremy said today, “Now we can start. I can work towards giving you the life I’ve dreamed of providing you”. To which I said, “No. We’ve been doing it. This life with you has always been the life I’ve dreamed of”. It’s going to be wonderful and it’s going to be hard and maybe sometimes it will be really hard, but if God is on our side; who can be against us? Thank you, precious Jesus for being the ultimate chess player of my life…for making moves that don’t make sense to me in the moment so that the bigger plan turns out better than I could’ve imagined. Continue to be on our team and help us to take time to listen to your direction because it makes so much more sense than anything we muster up.