Love.

I want to be with you,

It is as simple,

and as complicated 

as that.

We think about it all the time, right? Love.  Whether you believe in God or not; I think we can agree we are genetically predisposed to find a person or people to love and who love us back.  Even on our our ugly days.  Especially on our ugly days.  The hunt for love is innate, even primal.  I find myself driving around trying to make eye contact with people driving the opposite way…throwing out a little “Hey, I see you…do you see me?” - even if just for that second of connection.  I feel desperate for it.  

Have you ever thought about relationships gone awry?  I do.  I think about it a lot because, as my 5 year old told me last week, “I’m smart brave, Mom.  I think smart thoughts and that makes me brave. You are heart brave…you love a lot so it makes you sad sometimes but that’s a different kind of brave.”  Who is this kid?  The little Gandhi.  He’s right, though.  I’m passionate about community.  It’s not normal.  I’m not normal.  If you are a part of my tribe, you know it because I’ve most likely showed up unannounced on your doorstep or asked you for help.  Sorry not sorry.  It’s not “socially acceptable” to do a lot of the things I feel called to do, to be.  I’m not really a, “What are you doing two Tuesdays from now at 2:00pm?" kind of friend. Because, to be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing beyond this week and if we want to get coffee, let’s just do it.  Let’s get crazy and forget our planners; be renegades! And actually, can we stay in our pajamas sans makeup and talk about how much we love each other and be honest and laugh so hard our cheeks hurt?  Come over.  I’ll throw a fresh pot on. I know life is busy and planners are necessary but it’s always been busy and seems to be getting busier.  So let’s either do it or not. I’m cool either way.

I just finished Margaret Feinberg's devotional “Flourish” and the words that struck me this Valentine’s Day 2017 were, “Wander the earth and seek affirmation, love, and peace from anyone or anything else and you will experience stress, frustration, lack of self worth, and many other side effects.  Abide with the Prince of Peace and you will experience joy, love, grace, self-control, and so much more. When you’re joined to the vine, the bond creates intimacy.

the harvest yields abundance.

fruitfulness abounds.

you’re apt to live loved, live fearless, live free.”

Look at your relationships.  Which ones make you feel less than or disconnected or stressed or maybe even straight up angry?  Ask yourself why those relationships make you feel this way?  What role do you/we play in that dynamic?  I think my big “EUREKA, THAT’S IT!” thought this past year was, I get really frustrated with relationships where I feel the other person is only happy with me when I’m serving them or doing what they want.  I tend to naturally take on that role.  I love to be people’s go to person.  I don’t remember a time I wasn’t mothering something.  I actually remember the moment my parent’s brought my sister home from the hospital and thought, “Thank you for this live human doll, I’ll take it from here.” I don’t think I relinquished that role until her wedding day.  I’m a momma bear.  I fight for my people, fiercely.  But guess what?  I bet all my money (so a solid $20) that God has felt this way about me.  I can practically hear him sigh sometimes when I’m praying like, “I guess it’s all about you again.” He calls us to be in relationship with him and relationships are give and take.  So, I’m claiming 2017 (and hopefully the rest of my years) to be in relationship with Christ and with people who get it.  

My new BFF’s, Kristin & James, called yesterday and said, “Make plans with Jeremy because we are coming over to hang out with the boys.  What’s a good time?” They just moved here.  We just became friends.  The day I went to check out their new home and bring them cinnamon rolls, they told me their door code, handed me a cold beverage, and asked me an intentional question about what it means to be a mother.  They don’t have kids yet.  It’s about thinking outside of yourself.  They get it.   I’ve had people say to me, “I read your blogs and get jealous because I don’t have people like that.” Almost with a begrudging or judgmental tone.  Guess what?  If you don’t, first ask yourself when you’ve been that person for someone else? Think of how you can serve or love someone well and it will come back around.  I think of my time as a tithe.  How much am I willing to invest?  Do I trust it’s worth it? Yep.  I don't think about how it will come back around or keep track.  But, for the relationships that are always take…I’m learning to step away for bit and reflect.  Maybe those people will come back around. Maybe they won’t.  And that’s ok.  Community is supposed to help us live loved, fearless and free.  If you’re a part of that for my family, I don’t take you for granted.  I think about you constantly.  

Just like Philippians 1 says, “I thank God for you whenever I think of you I always have joy as I pray for all of you. It is because you have told others the Good News from the first day you heard it until now. I am sure that God who began the good work in you will keep on working in you until the day Jesus Christ comes again. It is right for me to feel like this about all of you. It is because you are very dear to me. While I was in prison and when I was proving that the Good News is true, you all shared God’s loving favor with me. God knows what I am saying. He knows how much I love you all with a love that comes from Jesus Christ. And this is my prayer: I pray that your love will grow more and more. I pray you will have better understanding and be wise in all things. I pray that you will know what is the very best. I pray that you will be true and without blame until the day Christ comes again. And I pray that you will be filled with the fruits of right living. These come from Jesus Christ, with honor and thanks to God."

I think God wants to be with us,

It is as simple,

and as complicated 

as that.