What makes you a better __________________?

I’m tired of reading articles that make me feel less than.  With the constant stream of comparison at our finger tips; it’s like I’m running around in circles punching the air.  Really think about that visual.  Picture one child asking to play his favorite board game and the other one needing to be nursed, for what feels like the 1,000 time by 10am and there’s me, just runnin' in circles and punching the air.  THAT IS LEGITIMATELY how asinine it is to sit on social media and think to myself, “I am not making enough money.  I am not putting on enough makeup.  I am not working out enough.  I should clean the bathrooms more.  I should have dinner planned for the week.  I should sneak attack Jeremy’s hot bod more frequently.  I don’t spend enough time with _________.  I shouldn’t have eaten a cookie for breakfast.  When’s the last time I washed my hair?  I should wash my hair more.  I should wash my hair less.”  YOU GET THE POINT.  We’re all exhausted and riding on some version of a crazy train, right?  Whatever it is you think about when your head hits the pillow is important.  You don’t have to have children or a husband to constantly be “should-ing” on yourself.  

I need a brain/technology/to-do list siesta.  Anyone else?  My life mantra for this 33rd year of living is this: “We were not meant to just pay bills and die”; which has very little to do with money and a lot more to do with living.  Actual Living.  I want to go for walks and look up at the sky and breathe.  I want to go to the lake, in my junky little VW camper van (at a max speed of 55), and have the biggest thing on my agenda be a boat ride.  I want to belly laugh.  I want to smell behind my baby’s ears more (I know that’s weird but I have a theory that people smell most like “themselves” behind their ears) - try it and get back to me.  I am all about the journey, man.  Or at least I want to be.  This goal is pretty tricky in our day and age plus I have a husband who is physically/spiritually/literally motivated and a little turned on by convenience.  I write this to you as I listen to my Bose speaker, drink an iced toddy from Scooter’s, have my cell phone within reach and type on a computer…so hello Kettle, the names Pot.  

With all these “guilt” articles I read (that I swear I’m not going to let affect me…pfffffffffffff…) I have found myself asking the question, “What can I write about that would actually build myself and others up?”  It’s less about being a woman, stay-at-home or working mom and more about being a human that’s trying really hard to do right by herself and her world.  In conclusion, the real question to be answered, Friend, is “What makes you the BEST at what you’re investing in?”  When you read an article or someone gives you wanted or, let’s be honest, unwanted advice, ask not what they think or want of you, ask yourself “What makes me the best friend/spouse/daughter/son/husband/wife/employee”?  In a world that tells us to compare; in a world that tells us to think of ourselves first; in a world that tells us to work work work work work…let’s STOP.  I have had a few revelations from asking myself this question:

1.  I am a better wife/mother/daughter/friend because I bring my beautiful boys/time burglars to my friend Laura’s a few hours a week.  I don’t have a consistent job; I don’t have a “typical” reason; I just need to breathe for a hot second and write or read or clean or maybe do an organizing job.  Beck is a better person because of that community and Laura is a SAINT for what she does. Welcoming a bunch of other children’s boogers into your home equals saint status to me.  

2.  I need to be alone.  I love people but I get energy from either being alone or with one other soul mate.  I’m going to allow myself that more this year.  

3.  My space needs to be organized for me to feel like I can relax.  The whole “messy home=happy children” mantra makes me want to curl up in the fetal position.  In the words of Amy Poehler, “Good for her! Not for me.”  I’ll come to your messy house and party all day.  I don’t think my house is better because it’s clean, it just is.  

4.  I need quality time with my husband.  Want me to get on the passive-aggressive “I’m not mad; I’m just tired” wagon?  Leave me with our children for an entire Saturday morning after working out of town for a week and see how I respond?  Spoiler Alert:  It’s not going to end well for either of us.  I didn’t sign up to do this thing alone and I need some serious 1on1 banter before I feel “right” again.  Jeremy is by far my favorite person and I frequently scoff at how much time we spent together when we were dating vs. being in the heat of working and parenting.  Oh, silly silly college Jeremy and Tara…you had no idea! 

5.  I need a creative outlet.  Let me do hair, organize/decorate a space, write a little bit of what the Lord is teaching my soul, read a great book, take time to make a delicious dinner, dig in and talk about how joy and kindness can cure anything and I’m the happiest medium-sized (Beck’s words) Dutch girl on the block.  

6.  I need to worship and not always in the traditional sense.  Worship, for me, is a great conversation with a fellow believer, recognizing the changing seasons, stopping what I am doing and taking a minute to soak it in, listening to a song that speaks to my current “feel", a thoughtful text or visit from someone who truly loves me; anything that makes my core feel closer to the Lord.  I need this so desperately or it starts to feel like the darkness is swallowing me up.

7.  Gratitude.  If I’m not in a state of gratitude; if I’m in the mindset that I am first..I feel yucky all over.  Gratitude sews the best life quilt.  Boom!  Put that on a stamp.

8.  I love to nurse my babies.  It’s a lot of freakin' work and my “chest” (Beck’s words) is out all the time.  You don’t.  You hate nursing?  It makes you a better mom to not nurse?  Cool.  I’m glad you know that about yourself.  Can we get back to what’s important?  

I would absolutely love to hear what the Lord speaks into your heart when you really sit down and ask yourself “What makes me the best _______?”  I’m serious,  enough comparison and more self reflection.  God created you to be you and he celebrates the best version of you.  Now, I got to write this as Miss Laura loved on my babies and I feel like I can go be a better momma because of it.  Let’s all find our Laura’s.  But my real question is, “Laura, what’s your Laura?” Mind blown.