Spicy Love

I am desperately in love with myself. I think that's ultimately why I choose Jesus. I want what is best for myself and my life and my family and our future. If you asked me, "Tara, would you like to eat local, organic food for free?" you better bet your sweet bottom I wouldn't respond with a, "No thank you. I'd rather eat processed food, shipped from a far away and unknown land..and pay for it". It is that simple to me. Don't get me wrong...I eat plenty of processed crap; and by processed crap I mean sin (shoot, now I'm craving a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's with fries and a coke). It's just too tempting for my flesh sometimes. It really is a lot like eating healthy and being active. We know better and we feel better and life seems a lot clearer when we live into our strengths and the good things God's equipped us with, but it's just more convenient to sometimes go through the drive-thru of life and say, "Tomorrow will be better".
You know what blows my mind hole? God created us knowing we would choose the apple. He knew we would choose sin over perfect community with him, and he created us anyhow. He is that faithful about passionately loving us. I think that's why when people talk about not understanding the church or being hurt by the church and turning away from it I want to say, "Of course you were. We all have been! Get mad about it and talk about it and decide what sits well with your soul and then get over it!" Church is the people who say they love and trust Jesus. It isn't a building or a worship band or nursery or meetings...or even a pastor. It's the people. People are ALWAYS going to let you down and say things that are selfish and wrong. I promise you this: There will always be something disappointing about church, because we are a part of it. But my question for you, my sweet friend(s), is this: Haven't you also been disappointed in yourself? Haven't you said things to yourself that aren't true or well thought out or painful? Haven't you been disrespectful to your body in some form or another (whether that be food, perversion of your mind or body, negative self talk, etc)? Just think about all the little things that make up you and then give the church a little grace.
The very best friends I have are the ones who know me at my worst and still love me. Friendship is one of those things that makes me think there has to be a God. It takes work and hard conversations and sometimes you don't necessarily agree about everything, but that's so beautiful, because you don't have to agree about everything to be in perfect community with one another. The older I get the more I know that the best things in life aren't the easy things in life, and working on friendships is one of those things (including my friendship with my husband). Friendship has life and breath and movement - which means it's sometimes great and sometimes annoying and sometimes lacking commitment, but a good friendship is always one thing: Good. Which is how I feel you should transition your mind into thinking about church. It's good, but it's going to disappoint you sometimes and it's going to be disappointed by you sometimes too. And by all means, ask the hard questions, because real church/real community can handle the hardest questions you can muster up. Jesus has broad shoulders. He's a tough guy and he's super smart. Smart enough to sometimes not give us all the answers we want because frankly, we can't handle knowing everything.
So be desperate. Desperately in love with what you believe to be true. Fight like hell to combat the things that don't sit well with your soul. Find strength in your relationship with Jesus, but don't blame him for the church letting you down and don't give up out of frustration. Praise Jesus that he doesn't do that to us! Can I get an amen!? Live into the joy that is freedom in Christ (and by that, I usually mean dance your face off) but seriously...God has started a good work in you. If you trust that...you can move mountains (and by mountains, I mean people that don't know love). If you know real love, the love Jesus has to offer, you know that it is the biggest thing worth fighting for. So let's fight that together...even if there are things we don't 100% agree about (and really, how boring would it be if we all agreed about everything 100% of the time). We wouldn't have a reason to blog! And I love blogging!

Love,
a member of The Church who is usually wrong and sometimes, by the grace of God, right