the hiding place.

a wise and challenging read. i am still processing what i read, but mostly i hope to not forget the significance of what happened to this simple, Dutch, watch-maker's family. Corrie TenBoom died the year i was born, but i will teach my children the story of her faithfulness. ironically (*is anything ironic in Jesus' world?), while i was reading this book...i also turned to the book of Esther. the correlation between the two gave me interesting dreams for the nights that followed.

a few realizations:
1. i do not know what suffering means or looks like
2. humanity is on the brink of tragedy at any moment if we've allowed/allow things like the Holocaust to happen
3. Jesus is in everything and He is everywhere, always - if you look for him
4. being faithful when you don't understand is much harder than rejoicing in your blessings, but both are important
5. the Lord does not and does not have to reveal anything to us
6. heaven is worth it~which is maybe why it's sometimes not easy to get there
7. success has many different definitions and some are much more worthy than others

one of my many favorite stories from the hiding place is when a young corrie is having a conversation with her dad on the train ride home:
"Father, what is sexsin?" He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our head, and set it on the floor. "Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. "It's too heavy," I said. "Yes," he said, "And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." And I was satisfied. More than satisfied-wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions-for now I was content to just leave them in my father's keeping. (HP, 42).
i know that my heavenly father's love carries the burden of knowing. it is the child-like faith that i wish to always carry with me. i wish to be, "satisfied-wonderfully at peace...to leave them in my father's keeping".
charlie, the mister, and i had a conversation the other night about the 3 strong holds that Satan hoards over our lives and i believe these three to be mine:
1. my stubbornness
2. my contentment
3. my selfishness
our realization when discussing these matters - was that what satan uses to destroy, God can mold for good. for instance, in my stubbornness i have a hard time admitting when i'm wrong and fight stupid battles because stubbornness often goes hand in hand with pride, but God can use this stubbornness to help me when i'm being tempted to do wrong. i often times have thought (when others around me are making bad choices), "nah...i told myself i wouldn't do that". which sometimes leads to pride. do you see the delicate balance this life presents?!
in contentment: i find solace and peace - but contentment can also lead to lethargy in the growth of my faith.
in selfishness: i get a lot done and am self-motivated to maintain relationships and work hard at my job, but i often times find that i need constant affirmation for the "good" that i'm doing...which poses questions like, "what do i do for the glory of God?" and "would i love people if they didn't love me in return?"
ultimately, all we can do is try to live into our strengths and rely on God to do the rest. we are fragile and we are selfish - but, we are also beautifully and wonderfully made by someone who loves us and is willing to carry our weakness.
*thankful.